"It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have no ideal to capture. It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is a sin." (Benjamin E Mays)
Sometimes, if you ask the right questions, life answers them in ways you never imagined.
Since the triathlon was over a couple of weeks ago, I felt a little bit directionless. I achieved a goal that’s been in the back of my mind for something like 20 years. Now, my mind is full of questions about what next. Another sprint? Go up a distance and do an Oly? This summer? Next summer? Sometime? Never? Should I really try the half-Ironman? How can I afford it? Maybe I should just hang up my swim suit and my bike and concentrate on the cheaper, simpler sport of running, which I know I can actually do.
But everytime I decided “This is it, I can’t afford you, silly, snobby, expensive triathlon, go away, I’m just going to run, so there”, it felt wrong. In my heart, I want to learn to swim well, I want to learn to bike fast, and I want to Go Long.
Yesterday, when I went alone for a run, it felt amazing. I felt amazing. I LOVE running, but even as I was running, I was thinking “I want to do the half-ironman next June. I know I can’t afford it, I can’t afford the entry fee, I can’t afford the equipment and my husband will KILL me, but I want to do it.” And I put the question out there, should I do it?
This morning, out-of-the-blue, I got an instant message from my already-half-ironwoman colleague. It said “I really want you to do the half ironman with me next year, and I will pay your entry fee. You can pay me back whenever.”
My reply, after “!!!!!!!!!!!!!” was “YES and I’ll pay you back and THANK YOU!”
What AMAZING friends I have!
Later on, I actually typed the phrase “borne in mind” into Google (for obscure work-related reasons) and up popped the above quote. I laughed at the delicious serendipity and realized that I had my answer. Not once, but twice.
My plan arrived fully formed in my mind. I'm going to concentrate on running races for the rest of this year, and meanwhile work on improving my swimming and biking in a relaxed, non-pressured kind of way. Then in January, I'll start training for 70.3. I have had a big smile on my face all day long. When you've made a decision in your heart, you know it's the right decision because it feels like freedom.
By the way, Life, while you're at it, could you answer my other questions too? You know the ones. But in your own good time, of course. I'll wait.
