Tuesday has turned into a day of cool exercise options. I could
a) Go running at lunchtime with Bridie
b) Go to a track session with South African friends this evening
c) Go climbing with climbing friends this evening
d) Go swimming this evening to make up for not swimming for a loooooong time
e) A combination of a and c or d
f) Go running by myself at some point of the day
g) Do sod all and sit on my butt.
Hmmmm. I guess this is why people follow a training plan.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Saturday, 28 March 2009
The mojo has returned, woo hoo!
Today I ran 9.5 km in an hour. Slow, but absolutely sure. I battled heartburn and stomach issues from the start (thanks to the 4 coffees I drank today and bean soup I ate for lunch) but my legs felt strong and there was no way I was not going to complete this run. I was forced to walk a few times and run really slowly at other times, but I made it and felt like I could have gone on. And this was the route through Froloo that almost killed me on the bike in February - now I'm running it.
This means I can run in the Birslauf 10km race next Saturday (sorry the website's all German) and I am absolutely stoked. The Birs is a river that runs through the west of Basel and joins the Rhine near the centre of the city, and the race starts at the St Jacob's football stadium, up one side of the river and back down the other.
The last time I ran 10 km was in May 1999, almost exactly 10 years ago, in the Oxford Town and Gown with my friend Emma. That was also the year I got married, read into that whatever you like. This is the first time since then that I've been fit enough to even think about running 10 km. I can't tell you how excited I am. I'll be a bit more careful with my pre-run diet than today though.
I've just been checking out the website, and discovered that the race is actually FREE. As in, it doesn't cost anything!! I've never actually encountered a free race before. Even better!
Friday, 27 March 2009
Legs of lead
I don't know what's going on with me this week. Not only has it been an emotional meltdown, but I've also had the energy of a stoned slug. I didn't just not feel like working out, I COULD not. I tried running on Tuesday, thinking it would feel better afterwards, but it was hideous. My legs felt like they were made of lead. And they have felt like that ever since.
I don't know whether I pushed it too hard last Sunday, or whether I'm fighting a virus, or maybe the emotional rollarcoaster just took it all out of me. I'm dying to train and work hard. I just want to get out there doing crazy training and crazy races and just being crazy.
I don't know whether I pushed it too hard last Sunday, or whether I'm fighting a virus, or maybe the emotional rollarcoaster just took it all out of me. I'm dying to train and work hard. I just want to get out there doing crazy training and crazy races and just being crazy.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Transitions
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
Disclaimer: I'm not sure this post is going to make much sense to anyone else. And it's not about triathlon or training, so feel free to skip it if you're not in a philosophical, navel-gazing place.
This week has been very, very strange. Not good, not bad, just strange. And amazing. Something has shifted inside me, walls have crumbled, long-held beliefs have shattered into dust. It's hard to put into words, but I'm going to try anyway (otherwise, what's the point of having a blog, right?).
The only way I can describe it is that for the first time in my life, I actually know what it feels like to believe in myself, to trust myself and to feel pretty ok about myself. The fear and darkness that have been a part of me for so long have receded enough for me to catch a glimpse of my true self. And it's a very, very good feeling.
My life is amazing right now and I'm so grateful for so many things. For the first time in many years I have a job I don't mind going to each day, I'm making my own money, I have good friends, I'm getting fit again, I live somewhere beautiful, I have a daughter who makes my heart burst with love and pride, a husband who supports my triathlon obsession, and who makes me laugh when he's not making me crazy. But what I'm most utterly, profoundly grateful for is that mentally, I'm doing better than I have been for many, many years. I actually dare to hope that the intention for healing that I set at the beginning of the year is actually happening.
Anxiety still nips constantly at my heels, depression still tries to tell me how pointless it all is, and they bring their various friends and relations along to join in the fun. But suddenly I've realised, I don't have to listen to them anymore! I've heard it all before. It's all lies. They are just thoughts and I have the choice, the power to not believe them. The relief this brings is incredible.
Sure, I haven't trained much this week, my dreams of buying tri gear went up in a puff of smoke and I had a major meltdown in an embarrassing way. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that I know that I'm going to do the triathlon on July 11th. I know that I'm finally moving in the direction of my dreams. And above all, I know that I hold my life in my own hands, with no one else to blame and no one else to cling to for safety.
It doesn't matter what has happened in the past (except to learn from it). It doesn't matter what other people think, or how they see me. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I've made, or how long I've spent in full-on victim mode blaming everyone and everything else. In the past, I always make a big deal out of my problems because I wanted people to go easy on me, and not expect too much from me. As a result, I didn't expect much from myself. It was easier that way. It was easier to complain, moan, howl and rage against the unfairness of the world than to actually take responsibility for anything. I didn't believe in myself, so I had to make as many excuses as possible, so that no one would be disappointed.
I guess by the time you reach 34, you've screwed up so many times and made so many mistakes that you realise that this is what makes life interesting. That everything passes, and really, no one actually cares. And you also realise that you're still here, you've made it this far, you've started from scratch so many times before that what does it matter if you have to do it again. I know now that I can find a job whatever happens, I can make friends no matter where I end up, and I can dig deeper than most people will ever know.
I forgave a lot of people this week. One of them was myself.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
Disclaimer: I'm not sure this post is going to make much sense to anyone else. And it's not about triathlon or training, so feel free to skip it if you're not in a philosophical, navel-gazing place.
This week has been very, very strange. Not good, not bad, just strange. And amazing. Something has shifted inside me, walls have crumbled, long-held beliefs have shattered into dust. It's hard to put into words, but I'm going to try anyway (otherwise, what's the point of having a blog, right?).
The only way I can describe it is that for the first time in my life, I actually know what it feels like to believe in myself, to trust myself and to feel pretty ok about myself. The fear and darkness that have been a part of me for so long have receded enough for me to catch a glimpse of my true self. And it's a very, very good feeling.
My life is amazing right now and I'm so grateful for so many things. For the first time in many years I have a job I don't mind going to each day, I'm making my own money, I have good friends, I'm getting fit again, I live somewhere beautiful, I have a daughter who makes my heart burst with love and pride, a husband who supports my triathlon obsession, and who makes me laugh when he's not making me crazy. But what I'm most utterly, profoundly grateful for is that mentally, I'm doing better than I have been for many, many years. I actually dare to hope that the intention for healing that I set at the beginning of the year is actually happening.
Anxiety still nips constantly at my heels, depression still tries to tell me how pointless it all is, and they bring their various friends and relations along to join in the fun. But suddenly I've realised, I don't have to listen to them anymore! I've heard it all before. It's all lies. They are just thoughts and I have the choice, the power to not believe them. The relief this brings is incredible.
Sure, I haven't trained much this week, my dreams of buying tri gear went up in a puff of smoke and I had a major meltdown in an embarrassing way. But it doesn't matter. What matters is that I know that I'm going to do the triathlon on July 11th. I know that I'm finally moving in the direction of my dreams. And above all, I know that I hold my life in my own hands, with no one else to blame and no one else to cling to for safety.
It doesn't matter what has happened in the past (except to learn from it). It doesn't matter what other people think, or how they see me. It doesn't matter how many mistakes I've made, or how long I've spent in full-on victim mode blaming everyone and everything else. In the past, I always make a big deal out of my problems because I wanted people to go easy on me, and not expect too much from me. As a result, I didn't expect much from myself. It was easier that way. It was easier to complain, moan, howl and rage against the unfairness of the world than to actually take responsibility for anything. I didn't believe in myself, so I had to make as many excuses as possible, so that no one would be disappointed.
I guess by the time you reach 34, you've screwed up so many times and made so many mistakes that you realise that this is what makes life interesting. That everything passes, and really, no one actually cares. And you also realise that you're still here, you've made it this far, you've started from scratch so many times before that what does it matter if you have to do it again. I know now that I can find a job whatever happens, I can make friends no matter where I end up, and I can dig deeper than most people will ever know.
I forgave a lot of people this week. One of them was myself.
Blah blah blah blah Ginger
Life is getting in the way of training this week, so I leave you with my favourite Larson cartoon to sum up the way things are going.
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
One in five
Some days are days you just have to get through, and today was one of those days.
Some runs are runs you just have to slog through and today's run was one of those runs.
My husband told me that Ozzy Osbourne once said that no matter how many gigs you play, out of every five gigs there will be one that is mind-blowingly awesome and one that really sucks.
It seems to me that running is like that too. Our of every five runs there is one where everything comes together and you feel like you can fly. And there is one that is only ick and suffering and pain from the moment you set out. I wonder which ones are the most valuable?
Some runs are runs you just have to slog through and today's run was one of those runs.
My husband told me that Ozzy Osbourne once said that no matter how many gigs you play, out of every five gigs there will be one that is mind-blowingly awesome and one that really sucks.
It seems to me that running is like that too. Our of every five runs there is one where everything comes together and you feel like you can fly. And there is one that is only ick and suffering and pain from the moment you set out. I wonder which ones are the most valuable?
Monday, 23 March 2009
Six bits of randomness
This post is incredibly random but I'm just too tired to turn it into anything resembling coherence. Welcome to the inside of my brain (evil laugh).
1. I told my husband yesterday that I'm giving up drinking until the triathlon, and he just laughed and said, don't even tell me that, I don't believe you for a second. Who can blame him? I've said it so many times before and the most I've ever lasted (apart from during pregnancy) was the 31 days of January 2008.
2. I'm giving up coffee too, not cold turkey though, sloooowwwwllyyyy. Yeah, yeah, EVERYONE's heard me say that one before. But I want to finally meet myself without ANY chemicals in my body or brain. I gave up caffeine completely for the first 3 months of pregnancy, but apart from that, I've been drinking coffee for as long as I can remember.
3. Good news today was that I saw on the tram that the first Velomarkt (bike sale) of the year is on April 11th and 12th. Perfect timing! I reckon I can fix my old bike too, now that I've looked again.
4. I work with the most incredibly kind, nice people in the world and normally this makes up for the total crappiness of my job. On days like today, it doesn't seem enough. I just don't want to spend the next 10 or 5 or even 2 years of my life working for a Pharma company, sitting on my butt at a desk and correcting other people's stupidity.
5. I'm trying to decide whether I am up to running a 10 km in a couple of weeks. The course is totally flat, and the field is big and not too fast. It would be a good way to step up the distance. Reckon I will. Don't have to sign up until the day, so I'll wait and see. I am also looking for a half-marathon sometime around end of summer or autumn, good preparation for the half-ironman I want to do next year.
6. Supposed to swim this evening but feel exhausted from my cycling/climbing yesterday. Really exhausted, not just can't-be-bothered. I'm also incredibly grumpy from hormones and work and tiredness and reducing caffeine. Coming home from work, none of the songs on my iPod were loud and angry enough and I just kept skipping almost everything except NIN and Rammstein. Tonight I'll be lucky if I stay awake long enough to see Dr. House. I hope he's at his most cross and acerbic tonight.
1. I told my husband yesterday that I'm giving up drinking until the triathlon, and he just laughed and said, don't even tell me that, I don't believe you for a second. Who can blame him? I've said it so many times before and the most I've ever lasted (apart from during pregnancy) was the 31 days of January 2008.
2. I'm giving up coffee too, not cold turkey though, sloooowwwwllyyyy. Yeah, yeah, EVERYONE's heard me say that one before. But I want to finally meet myself without ANY chemicals in my body or brain. I gave up caffeine completely for the first 3 months of pregnancy, but apart from that, I've been drinking coffee for as long as I can remember.
3. Good news today was that I saw on the tram that the first Velomarkt (bike sale) of the year is on April 11th and 12th. Perfect timing! I reckon I can fix my old bike too, now that I've looked again.
4. I work with the most incredibly kind, nice people in the world and normally this makes up for the total crappiness of my job. On days like today, it doesn't seem enough. I just don't want to spend the next 10 or 5 or even 2 years of my life working for a Pharma company, sitting on my butt at a desk and correcting other people's stupidity.
5. I'm trying to decide whether I am up to running a 10 km in a couple of weeks. The course is totally flat, and the field is big and not too fast. It would be a good way to step up the distance. Reckon I will. Don't have to sign up until the day, so I'll wait and see. I am also looking for a half-marathon sometime around end of summer or autumn, good preparation for the half-ironman I want to do next year.
6. Supposed to swim this evening but feel exhausted from my cycling/climbing yesterday. Really exhausted, not just can't-be-bothered. I'm also incredibly grumpy from hormones and work and tiredness and reducing caffeine. Coming home from work, none of the songs on my iPod were loud and angry enough and I just kept skipping almost everything except NIN and Rammstein. Tonight I'll be lucky if I stay awake long enough to see Dr. House. I hope he's at his most cross and acerbic tonight.
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Bikes, borders and bleeps
Finally went out for a bike ride this morning, and finally, finally enjoyed it! I wonder how long I will have to live in Basel before I stop finding it exciting to say "I went to France this morning." I cycled to Hegenheim, which is the French village I actually see from my office window. I was surprised by how pretty it is, and how much it already feels like France, not Switzerland.
This is where I crossed the border for the first time - there wasn't anyone official at any of the four borders I crossed this morning:
I still felt fresh when I came back into Allschwil, so I cycled up a loooooong hill to Schönenbuch and then across the fields to Neuwiler. Crossed the border into France again there, much to my surprise - Neuwiler is in France despite the name. Followed a signposted bike route, trying to find my way back to Allschwil and found myself going off-road through the forest where we run at lunchtime. Eventually found my way back in Allschwil for the third time and headed home.
So I'd been to another country and visited several places that I'd never seen before, not to mention seen some fabulously gorgeous houses. After two hours of cycling I still felt fine and strong. I hadn't been (too) scared or nauseous, I hadn't fallen off or been killed and I felt like I was finally seeing the point of this whole cycling thing. And then, in sight of our building, the chain came off. I swore and proceded to put it back on. Nope, it wouldn't go on. After several failed attempts, the whole gear, chain system thingie (NO idea what all the bits are called) decided to give up the ghost. Hmmmm, now that bit that normally holds the chain taut was touching the wheel and making a lot of noise. OK bike, I said, be broken but please be quiet about it. Whatever I did seemed to make it worse and finally the wheel refused to go around at all and I had to walk home pushing the biek while holding the back wheel off the floor.
I haven't looked at it again yet, I was too tired and cross when I got back. Even if I can fix it myself, I'm going to have to take it to a bike shop to get the chain tightened and the gears fixed, and the brakes are doing funny things too. I'm annoyed because I don't want to spend money on this bike. I want to save for a road bike. But it's too early in the year for the bike markets here, and I need a working bike. It's annoying, but I'm so thankful it didn't decide to go while I was in the middle of Allschwil forest or grinding up the hill to Schönenbuch.
This a nice pic of the forest. It's not as green as this yet though.
So I made it to 2 hrs cycling this morning, an absolute record for me, and I felt fine at the end which makes me very happy. I have to get ready to go out climbing now, so I don't have time to write about what a fun afternoon J and I had yesterday. There was a picnic and ice cream and falling asleep on the sofa watching the six nations rugby. Afternoons don't get much better than that!
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Want want want
YES! On Wednesday, the day will finally come, the day I GET MY ANNUAL BONUS!! I've been waiting for this day ever since I started my job last May and discovered that there was such a thing as an annual bonus. I even exceeded my objectives and so I'm getting 117%. Yes, yes, yes! I am a teensy bit excited.
Problem is, of course, that I've been waiting for this cash for such a long time that I have a very long list of things I want to buy with it. And most of it will go on paying off debts and other boring things that will make us more comfortable in the long run but don't give quite the same adrenalin rush.
So I have some tricky decisions to make. First off, I need/want a road bike, because my mountain bike is great for riding through muddy forests, but not much else and I'm quite sure it's completely the wrong frame for me (at least, this is what I'm putting my cycling suckiness down to). Then I need/want all the accompaniments like cycling shoes and tools and inner tubes, all those kind of shiny things. Yum! I'm hoping to pick up a bike second hand at one of the markets they have here in the summer. Then we start getting down to the things that are less "need" and more "want". I'd quite like a helmet that looks a little less like a bucket, but ok, that can wait.
The next priority is a new swimsuit and bikini. I am madly in love with this. And while I'm on that website, a new sports bra wouldn't go amiss. I can do without a wetsuit for Zürich. I'd like to do another Tri later in the summer if I can, but I'm finding it strangely hard to find any distance between either sprint (don't need a wetsuit) and half-Ironman (not this year), all the oly and mid-distance races seem to be in the early summer so wetsuit can wait for next year.
And all the lovely, silky, hi-tech, lush sports clothing that just needs to be bought to replace all my ten-year old stuff. Oh yes, and I also need/want a new climbing rope so I can get some lead practice in and go outdoors this summer. And I need a haircut. Oh, and I want to do some spinning. And can I just mention how much I love the shock absorber bikini again?
I can already see that I'm not going to have much left for the new office clothes I so desperately need and I'm going to continue being the scruffy one who turns up in her jeans and converse 50% of the time. Oh well. I think I'll be the jeans and converse woman even when I'm a millionaire. Don't care, and I'd rather have my actual body looking fit than cover my flab with expensive clothes.
Not that I can really say anything about that when I'm sitting here indoors with a killer hangover on a beautiful, crystal clear, early spring day. Hubby and I went out together without our daughter last night, and I can't even remember the last time we did that. That's it now though, alcohol's off the menu until the race on July 11th. And now I've said that here, I can't cheat!!
Problem is, of course, that I've been waiting for this cash for such a long time that I have a very long list of things I want to buy with it. And most of it will go on paying off debts and other boring things that will make us more comfortable in the long run but don't give quite the same adrenalin rush.
So I have some tricky decisions to make. First off, I need/want a road bike, because my mountain bike is great for riding through muddy forests, but not much else and I'm quite sure it's completely the wrong frame for me (at least, this is what I'm putting my cycling suckiness down to). Then I need/want all the accompaniments like cycling shoes and tools and inner tubes, all those kind of shiny things. Yum! I'm hoping to pick up a bike second hand at one of the markets they have here in the summer. Then we start getting down to the things that are less "need" and more "want". I'd quite like a helmet that looks a little less like a bucket, but ok, that can wait.
The next priority is a new swimsuit and bikini. I am madly in love with this. And while I'm on that website, a new sports bra wouldn't go amiss. I can do without a wetsuit for Zürich. I'd like to do another Tri later in the summer if I can, but I'm finding it strangely hard to find any distance between either sprint (don't need a wetsuit) and half-Ironman (not this year), all the oly and mid-distance races seem to be in the early summer so wetsuit can wait for next year.
And all the lovely, silky, hi-tech, lush sports clothing that just needs to be bought to replace all my ten-year old stuff. Oh yes, and I also need/want a new climbing rope so I can get some lead practice in and go outdoors this summer. And I need a haircut. Oh, and I want to do some spinning. And can I just mention how much I love the shock absorber bikini again?
I can already see that I'm not going to have much left for the new office clothes I so desperately need and I'm going to continue being the scruffy one who turns up in her jeans and converse 50% of the time. Oh well. I think I'll be the jeans and converse woman even when I'm a millionaire. Don't care, and I'd rather have my actual body looking fit than cover my flab with expensive clothes.
Not that I can really say anything about that when I'm sitting here indoors with a killer hangover on a beautiful, crystal clear, early spring day. Hubby and I went out together without our daughter last night, and I can't even remember the last time we did that. That's it now though, alcohol's off the menu until the race on July 11th. And now I've said that here, I can't cheat!!
Thursday, 19 March 2009
Very short update
It is almost impossible for me to post at home these days, as my husband is unbilically attached to the computer. In fact, he has been for about the last 4 years, since we got the home computer. When I come home from work, he's on the computer. While my daughter and I eat dinner, he's on the computer. While I bath her and we get ready for bed, he's on the computer. When I go to bed, he's on the computer. So I'm posting this very quickly at work.
There's a lot going on in my head but most of it's not bloggable. I have been training, and that's the one thing in my life that is going pretty well. Had a fabulous lunch time run on Tuesday. All the hill training that I've been doing since the last time I ran that route has really paid off and I felt strong and fit.
Haven't been back on my bike since the falling off incident though. Need to get my butt back in the saddle this weekend.
There's a lot going on in my head but most of it's not bloggable. I have been training, and that's the one thing in my life that is going pretty well. Had a fabulous lunch time run on Tuesday. All the hill training that I've been doing since the last time I ran that route has really paid off and I felt strong and fit.
Haven't been back on my bike since the falling off incident though. Need to get my butt back in the saddle this weekend.
Monday, 16 March 2009
Back to it
Hey, I'm back, and ready to train again. Last week was pretty much a write-off, although I did manage some intense strength sessions and a run on Saturday. The run was meant to be a gentle,easing-in kind of a run, but it felt so good to be out again, and I had some banging tunes on my iPod, so it turned into an inadvertant tempo run. It was beautiful!
I bought myself some shiny new hand weights on Friday, so I've been playing with those in addition to my usual body weight exercises. I've been working hard on my core and I can feel the difference in the way I move, the way I carry myself and the way my body functions. It's a strange feeling, as if I can feel what each muscle is doing as I go about my day. I can see the difference in my physique too. Nice!
OK, back to training this week - swim tonight, run and climb tomorrow and bike Wednesday.
I bought myself some shiny new hand weights on Friday, so I've been playing with those in addition to my usual body weight exercises. I've been working hard on my core and I can feel the difference in the way I move, the way I carry myself and the way my body functions. It's a strange feeling, as if I can feel what each muscle is doing as I go about my day. I can see the difference in my physique too. Nice!
OK, back to training this week - swim tonight, run and climb tomorrow and bike Wednesday.
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Ack!
Four months to go until the triathlon and I haven't done any training yet this week. Just feeling totally wiped out and under the weather, my sinuses are hurting and I'm exhausted.
Yesterday morning I was trying to decide whether it would be better to run or swim in the evening. By the time 3 o'clock came, I was more interested in deciding whether I could make it home walking or crawling. Came home from work at 5 and went straight to bed. Got up a few hours later, took a shower and went straight back to sleep until this morning. Lugged my swimming kit in again today, but it's looking like I'm going to take off early again and crash.
Talk to me again when this headache has gone....
Yesterday morning I was trying to decide whether it would be better to run or swim in the evening. By the time 3 o'clock came, I was more interested in deciding whether I could make it home walking or crawling. Came home from work at 5 and went straight to bed. Got up a few hours later, took a shower and went straight back to sleep until this morning. Lugged my swimming kit in again today, but it's looking like I'm going to take off early again and crash.
Talk to me again when this headache has gone....
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Your brain is valuable - WEAR A HELMET!!
Only last night I was reading that only 34% of people in Switzerland wear a cycling helmet when riding their bicycle - a figure that sounds very plausible based on my own observations. That's only 1 in 3 people. I'm genuinely shocked by this. Why? Why not wear a helmet?? Will it squish your hair? Will it make you look daft? Personally, I think you look daft without one, sorry.
And then this morning, during my blog browsing I read this. Meghann's sister's LIFE was saved by her helmet. Check out the picture. Imagine that was your HEAD and WEAR A HELMET. Please.
Actually, having read this absolute horror today, perhaps we women need to wear helmets ALL THE TIME just in case men don't approve of what we're wearing! Have we not moved on at all???
And then this morning, during my blog browsing I read this. Meghann's sister's LIFE was saved by her helmet. Check out the picture. Imagine that was your HEAD and WEAR A HELMET. Please.
Actually, having read this absolute horror today, perhaps we women need to wear helmets ALL THE TIME just in case men don't approve of what we're wearing! Have we not moved on at all???
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Sweet Sunday morning
So there are days like yesterday when you crash and burn, and wonder why on earth you are doing this to yourself. And then there are days like today, when it all comes together in one perfect 40 minutes and you understand every single reason why you do this and what it means to be alive.
I lay in bed early this morning thinking about how far I've come. Not only since January, when I could only run 10 minutes without stopping, but since the year 2000. That was the year I began my long, slow crash off the metaphorical bike of Life. It's taken me 9 years to get back on that bike. And, like my real life cycling, it's still sometimes a quad-burning, nausea-inducing, pulse-racing effort to keep on going. And as I thought about it all, for the first time I felt no regrets. I smiled, at how far I've come at how much I've achieved that no one else can see or measure, that only I know. And then I decided to try to run up the Wolfschlucht.
My daughter was still asleep, and I dressed quietly, grabbed my iPod and set off down the hill from our flat to Leimgrubenweg. Along Gündelidingerstrasse, I tried not to sing out loud, with my music playing and the sun shining. I took the left turn into the Wolfschlucht and began to climb. I thought it would be tough, but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting and just at the right moment Muse came on my iPod and powered me up and up.
On I climbed to Studio Basel and down a bit and up again, and then, an utterly perfect moment. My endorphines were flowing and Chasing Cars was playing as I reached the point where you suddenly see the whole of Basel stretching out before you.
I stood for a minute or two, looking out over Lörrach and the Black Forest, listening to my favourite song, thinking about what a beautiful place I live in and who I want to be.
Then I turned and ran towards the hospital, still lost in the song, running hard. As Rammstein came on and pushed me even faster, I felt like I could run for ever, do anything I choose. As if to prove it, as I turned towards home, I saw someone I know, Nordic walking towards me. This is someone I used to REALLY want to impress, and today, when I actually felt quite impressive, I discovered that I no longer cared what she thinks of me, and I just smiled and waved and powered on past.
I ran past our flat and cooled down jogging through the forest with KT Tunstall singing "come over here, lady" and then I was home. Fabulous.
And as I got out of the delicious shower, the Anxiety voice dared to whisper in my ear that I shouldn't feel this good, because something bad could happen if I do. And so I told it to piss off and went to eat my porridge.
I lay in bed early this morning thinking about how far I've come. Not only since January, when I could only run 10 minutes without stopping, but since the year 2000. That was the year I began my long, slow crash off the metaphorical bike of Life. It's taken me 9 years to get back on that bike. And, like my real life cycling, it's still sometimes a quad-burning, nausea-inducing, pulse-racing effort to keep on going. And as I thought about it all, for the first time I felt no regrets. I smiled, at how far I've come at how much I've achieved that no one else can see or measure, that only I know. And then I decided to try to run up the Wolfschlucht.
My daughter was still asleep, and I dressed quietly, grabbed my iPod and set off down the hill from our flat to Leimgrubenweg. Along Gündelidingerstrasse, I tried not to sing out loud, with my music playing and the sun shining. I took the left turn into the Wolfschlucht and began to climb. I thought it would be tough, but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting and just at the right moment Muse came on my iPod and powered me up and up.
On I climbed to Studio Basel and down a bit and up again, and then, an utterly perfect moment. My endorphines were flowing and Chasing Cars was playing as I reached the point where you suddenly see the whole of Basel stretching out before you.
I stood for a minute or two, looking out over Lörrach and the Black Forest, listening to my favourite song, thinking about what a beautiful place I live in and who I want to be.
Then I turned and ran towards the hospital, still lost in the song, running hard. As Rammstein came on and pushed me even faster, I felt like I could run for ever, do anything I choose. As if to prove it, as I turned towards home, I saw someone I know, Nordic walking towards me. This is someone I used to REALLY want to impress, and today, when I actually felt quite impressive, I discovered that I no longer cared what she thinks of me, and I just smiled and waved and powered on past.
I ran past our flat and cooled down jogging through the forest with KT Tunstall singing "come over here, lady" and then I was home. Fabulous.
And as I got out of the delicious shower, the Anxiety voice dared to whisper in my ear that I shouldn't feel this good, because something bad could happen if I do. And so I told it to piss off and went to eat my porridge.
Beat the BS
Found this video from Nike Gamechangers posted at Girls can't WHAT?
It's a great concept, aiming to challenge the stupid stereotypes about women not being athletic or strong as men, that they shouldn't work out too hard or have muscles. Yeah, right!! I love the video, but if you check out the video at YouTube and read the comments, it's pretty depressing that people STILL think this way. But the vid is good.
It's a great concept, aiming to challenge the stupid stereotypes about women not being athletic or strong as men, that they shouldn't work out too hard or have muscles. Yeah, right!! I love the video, but if you check out the video at YouTube and read the comments, it's pretty depressing that people STILL think this way. But the vid is good.
Saturday, 7 March 2009
Teeny-tiny adventures
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.”
Helen Keller
Playing it safe in life gives us an illusion of control. The Anxiety voices tell me that if I don't take risks, avoid things that are scary and make sure I keep on worrying, keep holding on tight, then the Bad Things won't happen. What a lie. Worrying about getting ill, worrying about what other poeple think, worrying about keeping everyone happy, these are mental dungeons and I want to break out. Entering this triathlon is one small step to a life that is, even in a small way, a daring adventure.
Adventure wasn't really on my mind when I meandered down to the local sports emporium this morning, to see if I could find some bike shorts at a price that didn't make me stare open mouthed. After drooling over lovely road bikes, cycling shoes, helmets and the absolutely laugh-or-cry-priced-lovely-clothes-that-would-DEFINITELY-make-me-faster-and-fitter-instantly, I found my shorts. How weird do padded cycling shorts feel??? It's like wearing a giant sanitary towel! Anyway....I also found a cycling top in the sale and felt very pleased with my purchases.
I hadn't been out on the bike for ten days! And after a rather nice post-lunch siesta, I set out for my longest bike ride yet, complete with new shorts under my tracksuit trousers, cos it's still a bit nippy out there. And waited for the same magic to happen that happened with my magic swimming hat....
Not this time. I haven't yet made the same breakthough with cycling as I made with swimming, and the bike shorts didn't have magic properties. I just don't feel comfortable on my bike, it feels like a slog, I get really fatigued really quickly. Traffic, hills, rude pedestrians, dogs, gears doing clanky things, none of these are fun for me.
Still, I think this finally counted as a "proper" bike ride...it lasted over an hour, I was alone, on roads I've never been on before, I used my absolute lowest gear for the first time, I got briefly lost and to cap it all, I crashed!! Yep, in front of several people in a ridiculous way, I fell off my bike. I had just climbed the insane, lowest gear hill and was feeling rather proud of myself, coasting and nearly home, when a group of people riding horses appeared. Being a kind, considerate horsey person, I slowed way down. But for some reason, I don't even know what happened, I put the brakes on too hard and next thing I knew I was on my way to the floor with much swearing. A very lovely young man came to see if I was ok, and picked my bike up, while all the horse-riders rode past staring at me as if I was some strange alien. Charming.
So I made it home with my trousers ripped, my hands sore, my pride more than a little bruised and my stomach seriously protesting the hard work. 16 km in 65 minutes, not particularly far or fast to many people, but I worked damn hard. I'm looking forward to the day I get on my bike and find it easy. But just for today, I'll have to settle for feeling like I had my very own teeny-tiny adventure. Just for an hour, stepping out of the ordinary and leaving my fears behind. Teeny tiny adventures add up to Big Adventures and I have the feeling there are much bigger adventures lying ahead.
Friday, 6 March 2009
Double espresso, please!
Another great swim yesterday, and a 6 km run this evening that was certainly colder and possibly wetter than the swim. I feel as thought I've done nothing but eat chocolate and drink coffee and beer this week, kind of oozy and foggy. Breakfast this morning was Red Bull and chocolate. It's time to start seriously being kinder to my body if I want to train hard.
Less coffee, more green tea, No Red Bull, much more water, less chocolate, no beer. Simple really.
In fact I discovered two of my favourite bloggers through their posts on giving up coffee: Steve Pavlina and Christine Kane. Haven't managed it myself yet. It's on my list to do, purely and simply because I don't know who I am without caffeine. I've been drinking coffee since I can remember. I have no idea what life is without the buzz, the adrenaline, the cortisol. It could be interesting to find out. I'll write more on this topic in another post.
Going off to drink some more water right now, and take my multivits and fabulous St John's wort!
Less coffee, more green tea, No Red Bull, much more water, less chocolate, no beer. Simple really.
In fact I discovered two of my favourite bloggers through their posts on giving up coffee: Steve Pavlina and Christine Kane. Haven't managed it myself yet. It's on my list to do, purely and simply because I don't know who I am without caffeine. I've been drinking coffee since I can remember. I have no idea what life is without the buzz, the adrenaline, the cortisol. It could be interesting to find out. I'll write more on this topic in another post.
Going off to drink some more water right now, and take my multivits and fabulous St John's wort!
Thursday, 5 March 2009
My other magic hat
Juliette sleeping in post-Fasnacht exhaustion and me, actually looking like me.
I love my hat!
Note to self
A few things that I learned yesterday:
1) Drinking Red Bull first thing in the morning turns me into an insane caffeine and chocolate seeking missile for the rest of the day.
2) Being on a crazy caffeine/sugar high does NOT make the day go faster. It just makes my thoughts go faster.
3) By mid-afternoon I will crash in a wild-eyed, wild-haired heap.
4) Chocolate contains milk, and milk contains lactose. Yes, really.
5) The best way to come down from this caffeine/sugar/chocolate-induced stupor is NOT two cans of beer.
6) Missing training makes me feel worse, not better.
7) Today I am an anxious, panicky wreck. Coincidence??
8) Today I intend to be kinder to myself.
1) Drinking Red Bull first thing in the morning turns me into an insane caffeine and chocolate seeking missile for the rest of the day.
2) Being on a crazy caffeine/sugar high does NOT make the day go faster. It just makes my thoughts go faster.
3) By mid-afternoon I will crash in a wild-eyed, wild-haired heap.
4) Chocolate contains milk, and milk contains lactose. Yes, really.
5) The best way to come down from this caffeine/sugar/chocolate-induced stupor is NOT two cans of beer.
6) Missing training makes me feel worse, not better.
7) Today I am an anxious, panicky wreck. Coincidence??
8) Today I intend to be kinder to myself.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Rest and recovery RULES
So I took the "rest and recovery" stage of training to extremes on my lovely Day Off yesterday by staying in bed until 12 noon instead of going for a bike ride. And it was niiiiiiice. It backfired a little because then I couldn't get to sleep until 2 this morning, but that could have been thanks to the coffee I drank at 4 in the afternoon. It seems to have worked because the scratchy nose/throat-getting-a-cold feeling has gone away and I feel fine today. Except for the whole being back at work thing. Can't say I feel raring to go, but I can feel some kind of energy coming back.
Yesterday was children's day at Fasnacht and we had lots and lots of fun. Coming into work on the tram this morning was funny, because among the grumpy commuters there were scattered people in their Fasnacht outfits travelling home after a night of drinking and marching.
Works sucks today. It's beautiful outside, I don't want to be indoors. This is my dream - my own business, my own hours, working in the open, inspiring others.
I've had too much caffeine this morning and now I'm going to have some more... Out on the bike this evening.
Yesterday was children's day at Fasnacht and we had lots and lots of fun. Coming into work on the tram this morning was funny, because among the grumpy commuters there were scattered people in their Fasnacht outfits travelling home after a night of drinking and marching.
Works sucks today. It's beautiful outside, I don't want to be indoors. This is my dream - my own business, my own hours, working in the open, inspiring others.
I've had too much caffeine this morning and now I'm going to have some more... Out on the bike this evening.
Monday, 2 March 2009
Fasnacht
No work today, because it's Fasnacht time here in Basel. The time when the whole city turns into a sea of Waggis, confetti and chaos. People who live here tend to love it or hate it, and those who hate it have left the city for the week. I love it, I love the history, the traditions and the anarchy. I love the drums and the music. I love the creativity behind it all. Many people spend their whole year preparing for it. They call it the three beautiful days.
Today was a little bit dampened by the rain, and the Bean decided that she is scared half to death of the Waggis. Along with all the sweets and confetti we managed to accumulate, I was given a free can of beer, which I'm going to drink now!
Went out for a run this morning, but I'm feeling very tired. I can feel my whole body trying to adapt to the high frequency of training. It's hard to know how hard I can push it, or how easy I should take it. I just have to listen to my body and learn to understand what it's telling me.
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Long run Friday and tired weekend
Went out for a run on Friday with colleagues from work. I've wanted to run with them ever since I started working there last May, but this is the first time I've been even vaguely fit enough. Last Saturday I ran around 6 km, so I thought I could handle the "gentle 8 km" through the forest and I was keen to get my long run out of the way before the weekend. I was a little nervous, because I know they're all keen runners, really fit.
Anyway, we set off and I realised that this was not going to be my idea of gentle. I'm not used to running with other people, and it's such a different experience. The run had hills, their pace was far faster than mine and it was LONG. By the end I was lagging pretty far behind, but I had to keep going, because I didn't know the way back! I ran all the way apart from walking up a hill at the very, very end and although I looked pretty pink and sweaty, I recovered quickly and didn't feel bad at all afterwards. I felt quite proud of myself!
The next day I felt really, really tired and sore though. Physically I had very little energy and my trip to the climbing wall was a struggle. I am taking a total rest day today, because I have a big fear of overtraining and getting ill. So no training AT ALL today, and the bike can wait until tomorrow.
Anyway, we set off and I realised that this was not going to be my idea of gentle. I'm not used to running with other people, and it's such a different experience. The run had hills, their pace was far faster than mine and it was LONG. By the end I was lagging pretty far behind, but I had to keep going, because I didn't know the way back! I ran all the way apart from walking up a hill at the very, very end and although I looked pretty pink and sweaty, I recovered quickly and didn't feel bad at all afterwards. I felt quite proud of myself!
The next day I felt really, really tired and sore though. Physically I had very little energy and my trip to the climbing wall was a struggle. I am taking a total rest day today, because I have a big fear of overtraining and getting ill. So no training AT ALL today, and the bike can wait until tomorrow.
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