“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.”
Helen Keller
Playing it safe in life gives us an illusion of control. The Anxiety voices tell me that if I don't take risks, avoid things that are scary and make sure I keep on worrying, keep holding on tight, then the Bad Things won't happen. What a lie. Worrying about getting ill, worrying about what other poeple think, worrying about keeping everyone happy, these are mental dungeons and I want to break out. Entering this triathlon is one small step to a life that is, even in a small way, a daring adventure.
Adventure wasn't really on my mind when I meandered down to the local sports emporium this morning, to see if I could find some bike shorts at a price that didn't make me stare open mouthed. After drooling over lovely road bikes, cycling shoes, helmets and the absolutely laugh-or-cry-priced-lovely-clothes-that-would-DEFINITELY-make-me-faster-and-fitter-instantly, I found my shorts. How weird do padded cycling shorts feel??? It's like wearing a giant sanitary towel! Anyway....I also found a cycling top in the sale and felt very pleased with my purchases.
I hadn't been out on the bike for ten days! And after a rather nice post-lunch siesta, I set out for my longest bike ride yet, complete with new shorts under my tracksuit trousers, cos it's still a bit nippy out there. And waited for the same magic to happen that happened with my magic swimming hat....
Not this time. I haven't yet made the same breakthough with cycling as I made with swimming, and the bike shorts didn't have magic properties. I just don't feel comfortable on my bike, it feels like a slog, I get really fatigued really quickly. Traffic, hills, rude pedestrians, dogs, gears doing clanky things, none of these are fun for me.
Still, I think this finally counted as a "proper" bike ride...it lasted over an hour, I was alone, on roads I've never been on before, I used my absolute lowest gear for the first time, I got briefly lost and to cap it all, I crashed!! Yep, in front of several people in a ridiculous way, I fell off my bike. I had just climbed the insane, lowest gear hill and was feeling rather proud of myself, coasting and nearly home, when a group of people riding horses appeared. Being a kind, considerate horsey person, I slowed way down. But for some reason, I don't even know what happened, I put the brakes on too hard and next thing I knew I was on my way to the floor with much swearing. A very lovely young man came to see if I was ok, and picked my bike up, while all the horse-riders rode past staring at me as if I was some strange alien. Charming.
So I made it home with my trousers ripped, my hands sore, my pride more than a little bruised and my stomach seriously protesting the hard work. 16 km in 65 minutes, not particularly far or fast to many people, but I worked damn hard. I'm looking forward to the day I get on my bike and find it easy. But just for today, I'll have to settle for feeling like I had my very own teeny-tiny adventure. Just for an hour, stepping out of the ordinary and leaving my fears behind. Teeny tiny adventures add up to Big Adventures and I have the feeling there are much bigger adventures lying ahead.
